The Most Important Relationship in Your Life

We hear a lot about the value of relationships.

That in life, after your reputation—and for the religious or spiritual person, your soul—your relationships are likely your most treasured “asset.” In fact, FranklinCovey’s chief people officer, Todd Davis, authored a Wall Street Journal bestseller Get Better: 15 Proven Practices to Build Effective Relationships at Work, where he argues (proves) that people are not an organization’s most valuable asset, but rather it’s the relationship between those people that is your company’s most valuable asset.

I absolutely believe this to be true.

It’s our mutually trusting relationships that drive everything toward success and also the friction points that stall our progress when there is suspicion and distrust.

That being said, so much attention is brought to our relationships with others that we often forget about the most important relationship in our lives.

The one with ourselves. The relationship that drives all the others in our lives.

What’s your relationship like with yourself? For that matter, do you even have one?

Here are a few questions to think about today as you’re building and fortifying this vital relationship. Disclaimer: I ain’t no counselor or therapist (although I likely need both), I’m just the beneficiary of hundreds of conversations with smart and wise people, many of which speak to the value of self-love and having a positive relationship with yourself. So here goes my list of questions to ponder

  • What do you like most about yourself?
  • What else? List out ten or more descriptions of what you like about yourself. Pretend you’re in Congress and are in the midst of a filibuster and own the podium for a looooooong period of time and can’t stop. Describe in detail your positive character and personality traits, talents, skills and even areas in which you’ve grown or improved during your life. Go on—be your biggest biased fan.
  • How would the person who likes you the most in life describe you? Only the good stuff now.
  • What’s a negative, self-defeating habit or area of your life where you’ve previously had some shame that you’re most proud of improving?
  • What decision in life, is it time, right now, to finally forgive yourself for?
  • What’s something about yourself that you’ve been highly critical of that you realize isn’t really that big of a deal after all and need to altogether forget about and move on?
  • What’s something you’ve accomplished that you never gave yourself enough credit for? What else? Keep going—tell yourself how proud you are of all your accomplishments and take a few minutes, hours, days, or years to wallow in it.
  • Think about and say out loud to yourself a talent, insight, or strength you have that you don’t see in many others. Identify a few more. Say them audibly to yourself, in a mirror, and watch yourself smile with pride. Own them!
  • What are you doing to care for yourself? Physically? Mentally? Socially/Emotionally? Spiritually? Are you addressing all of these areas of your life? I know you’re not. Nor am I. So what’s truly stopping you (and me), other than our martyrdom and victimhood thinking we need to help everyone else first?
  • What other thoughts have you uncovered during this exercise that can help address and improve your relationship with yourself? Such that if you began addressing them, it would automatically benefit your relationships with others? Block out some time with this one if you’re serious about self-reflection and the benefits of really, finally getting to know yourself.

Simply put—let’s all head into 2022 focused on the most important person in your life.


That’s not selfish. It’s selfless, if you want to add value to those other relationships in your life.

Hello, 2022. Meet the new me: the person I like and love the most.

About the Author

Scott Miller

Scott Miller is a 25-year associate of FranklinCovey and serves as Senior Advisor, Thought Leadership. Scott hosts the world’s largest and fastest-growing podcast/newsletter devoted to leadership development, On Leadership. Additionally, Scott is the author of the multi-week Amazon #1 New Releases, Master Mentors: 30 Transformative Insights From Our Greatest Minds, Management Mess to Leadership Success: 30 Challenges to Become the Leader You Would Follow, and the Wall Street Journal bestseller, Everyone Deserves a Great Manager: The 6 Critical Practices for Leading a Team. He lives in Salt Lake City, Utah, with his wife and three sons.

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